The question I get from my son Derek nearly every day. “Daddy, where am I going tomorrow?” It’s nearly always 1 of three answers. He is either going to school, to daycare, or he is staying home with us. Nearly always. Occasionally there is a day when we decide to surprise him. Sometimes we’ll have some grand event planned for the next day that we try to keep secret from him, and we may occasionally drop hints about it. Sometimes though he asks so many questions that we get annoyed by it and it really takes out all the fun for us in trying to surprise him. One time, it got so annoying and persistent that we decided to drop the surprise. All parents I am sure have had an experience like this. You want to do something special for you kids, you make all these plans to really make a special day together with them, and they ruin it by annoying persistence in impatience. That is the nature of parenthood. Trying to be an awesome parent to kids who are not always awesome kids. Kids who can’t accept the fact that their parents have something great planned for them. Kids who can’t wait patiently for their parents to unveil this amazing surprise. Kids, who sometimes, when they see the surprise finally, are not pleased because it wasn’t what they had envisioned and dreamed up in their heads.
I am that kid.
These last few weeks have been awesome. Getting my song on WCSG has been an unbelievable experience for sure. I have gotten lots of emails from friends, family, acquaintances, and some strangers made new friends, all voicing support for me and my music. I’ve been getting emails and phones calls about possible shows I could perform at. I have gotten really good reviews on my album from people I really respect. I’ve even sold a few albums, which is a nice bonus considering the ridiculous gas prices and my 40 minute drive to work. My name seems to be getting “out there” a little bit. I realize consciously that this is just one radio station, and that nothing more may come of getting my song on the radio. However I can’t help but feel like I am on some trajectory towards something really cool. All the events and path of my life, as I look back on it all, seem to be pointing to this time. I could go into detail, but the story would get too long for a blog post. Long story short, it feels like God has something amazing planned for me. Something I don’t deserve because I keep trying to guess it. In fact I would say that I have moved past the impatient guessing, into the annoying, pestering questions, and trying to take this experience into my own hands because obviously I can make this thing happen myself, and on my terms, and in my timing.
What if God does have something amazing planned for me that will come out of this experience, but it is nothing, and I mean nothing, like what I think it is, or am trying to make it into? I want to know where I am going so bad. Am I ruining the surprise? I am that annoying kid that can’t help but need to know what his dad has planned for him.
Father, take that desire from me. Give me a peace to know that you have a plan that is for me, and that will glorify you. Not me.
I have tried for a long time to plan my own future. Now I don’t mean retirement planning, and planning for vacations, etc. I mean, planning my own service. How I am going to serve God. How I am going to make an impact on this world for Him. I have chosen my path. The path that I think works out best. So again, I go to some words from Oswald…
From April 23rd In My Utmost For His Highest…
“Beware of any work for God which enables you to evade concentration on Him.”
“…when once the concentration is on God, all the margins of life are free and under the dominance of God alone.”
“There is no responsibility on you for the work; the only responsibility you have is to keep in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him.”
“We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for.”
“God engineers everything. Wherever He puts us, our one great aim is to pour out a wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work.”