Over the last year or so I have had this strange ache in me that seems to be getting stronger and stronger as of late. It’s not a medical issue. It’s an ache in my chest that’s not there because I lack proper nutrition or exercise, although those are both true. It’s a longing. This longing is only made more thick and terrible because I get a gut feeling that its fulfillment is right around the corner, but I have no idea how or when it will hit exactly.
When you look around at the world, the world immediately around you and in a bigger sense the world you see on tv or in the newspapers or even tabloids, does it feel like we’re hurdling towards something to you? Does it feel like there is some shift that is about to take place? Does seeing the world around you make you wish that shift would happen as soon as possible?
I have had multiple conversations with friends over the past year about life and our surroundings and the spiritual environment that we have bred here in our country and in particular here in west Michigan. Have we lulled ourselves to sleep? Where is our conviction of belief? Where is our excitement and joy in talking about a God that we say we love? Why are we so content being so damned comfortable? I confess I am in that crowd. I lead worship just about every other week and I will confess right now that I get up there and sing some days with no joy or real belief behind the words I am singing. It hit me this morning as I was driving to church to lead worship that I was getting ready to sing songs to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE, and the only thing I could think of was whether or not to stop at Starbucks and grab a chai. This God I say that I love and want to follow, but I do it so flippantly. I treat my God like a fast food happy meal. I walk in, consume what I can of God real quick, and take off for home with little thought of what was just taken in or how to share it with others. It got me through the morning and may help me through a couple days, but my thoughts will quickly fade from that. Are you in that group with me? I think the group is large and growing by the day. One friend of mine refers to west Michigan as the church of Sardis in Revelation 3 …
“I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead.”
However, back to the ache. Something has been tearing me away from that group for that last year or so. I can only describe it as a sense of feeling that things are not right. That things should not be the way they are. That the way I am looking at things is broken. My faith is broken. The world around me is broken. I am broken. I’ve put God in a box made for my own comfort and now he’s blowing the top off of it. So also over the last year, it seems like I have been under a restructuring. Not of my own doing. But most definitely of the Holy Spirit. He seems to be crushing some things and clearing them out so as to make room for Him to come in and kick His feet up for a while. And I say all this because I don’t think I am the only one that feels like the Holy Spirit is about wash over them. I think that my faith in God is becoming more real, more tangible, and even more visible than it has ever been, and its scaring me to be honest with you. It’d be like if when you were a kid you stayed up late hoping to see Santa Claus on Christmas not really believing he was going to show his face, and then out of nowhere a big fat guy in a red jumper came flying down your chimney and chewed you out for doubting that he’d show up, then ate all your cookies because that’s just what he does, slapped you on the back and said “go back to sleep, you knew I was here all along stupid.”. It’d probably freak you out a little right? Ok that was a weird example, but the point is there. This “Holy Spirit” that I have always felt weird talking about to be honest with you because of my baptist upbringing seems more real to me than ever. I can feel Him when I breathe. I can hear Him in the music I am listening to. I can see Him in the night sky I gaze into while walking around the small town of Saranac at 10:30pm. He’s here and He’s real. He’s showing me where I’ve been wrong, and He’s pointing me down the right paths. He’s gunning for me in a big way it seems, and I want it more than ever. I want a real understanding of God and how to relate to Him, how to live the way He wants me to live, and how to take Him at His word. I don’t believe I am the only one that feels this way.
So long blog entry short… I can feel a movement starting. I believe the Holy Spirit is real and He’s coming to do something in me, and even now its begun. I believe I am a part of a bigger movement that is going to happen, and soon. The rest of the details I will fill you in on when I get them.